The Pain of Knowing

The pain of knowing hurts more than NOT knowing. Some claim that 'they' left you during the firefight – some detail I’d rather not know… But their lips are much faster than my instinct to put on my earphones… Turning my back to the one speaking didn’t help either. Words have been spoken thus words have been heard. And those were words not easily forgotten. How much do they really know? – that I am not sure of. But Truth, nowadays, is not defined by the accuracy of what is being relayed but by the acceptance of the receiver that what is being conveyed is factual. And now if you ask me, what do I believe? – I wish I can say that – “Nah, they stood by you til the very last second”. But reality negates that account, cause hours later – you’re lying on the ground – still. And if they really stood by you, you might have a fighting chance… But No – you came home with a broken promise that which cannot be taken as a simple reign check but a completely voided assurance. Now I ask myself - do I bid you goodbye now that your journey in this lifetime had come to a halt? – Is this really the closure I am looking for? Or am I just looking for excuses to let go of you so I may also let go not only of the grief but more so of the wrath I am keeping towards that broken promise? – I am selfish, I know.