August 31, 2010
3:45 am
And so a year passed marked with your absence. A familiar ground, as we are very much accustomed to the fact that your profession calls for you to be away most of the time. We could pretend that this is but another call of duty and that a Christmas or a New Year’s break would send you back home. But many news articles, online and hard print, serve as reality check – a reminder of that unfortunate event that happened exactly one year and 19 days to date.
It really pains us that we are left with no memory apart from the old pieces of clothing, some faded pictures and a couple of unpacked military duffle bags which we intentionally hid in a spare room at the back of the house – far from sight. There are days when I end up in that room searching for some loose pins or missing buttons and find myself wanting to unzip one of those duffle bags. But I could not find the courage– I am not like you.
Courage is your thing; not mine. You step in a room knowing no one and leave with a number of friends. Put me in that situation, I’d probably end up in a corner staring at the ceiling. A testament of your amiable nature is the number of people, considering their busy schedules, found ways just to be able to pay their final respects.
Never was I able to tell you how much I admire you. Probably because, being your sibling, I am genetically programmed to hate you. And being the youngest, it is my unspoken ‘family-duty’ to be the snitch and whistle blow every trouble you get yourself into. Until such time when it was my turn to get in trouble and yet never did you turn me in.
It’s too late to say now, but I really look up to you. I admire how you handle yourself amidst all adversities. A time came when you had to stop schooling because Nanay and Tatay had trouble raising college tuition money. But did you grow bitter? NO. Instead, it was your idea to take an exam in PMA in hope of finishing college in full scholarship. I remember your infamous line “Sa bahay nga napapalo ako ni tatay eh, dito (PMA) nabubugbog nga kami, atleast bayad naman!”.
You always carried with you that positive outlook that resonates even outside the walls of the Academy. That optimism echoes the mountains of Mindanao . Sure you had gripes – with how things are being run; how unfairly you, your troupes and most men in uniform are being treated (for some reason ‘Human Rights’ do not apply to you, but only to the NPAs, ASG, MILF and other lefties groups). Great were expected yet only minimal was given back. You were to cover vast grounds with nothing but empty stomachs, torn-up boots and poor gears. Who wouldn’t complain, right? But what separate you is that you always had your priorities checked. When you were asked to join the insurgency back in 2007, you said NO; not out of cowardice but out of principle.
Yes, it’s been more than a year. Others would argue that the healing is by far over due. But can you blame us if we are yet to overcome the pain of losing you? We did not just lose a son… We did not just lose a brother… We lost that very foundation that’s keeping the family intact. Remember, how you would call and ask us how things are going back home? When we know for a fact that it is you who we should be checking up on?
We all are proud of what you’ve become. We all are proud of what you’ve accomplished. But I have repeatedly asked myself before, just in case you would be given a chance for a do-over, would you take the same road you took knowing that there is an easier route? You played soccer, and not just the mediocre type. You played the game very well. Instead of a Military School
